i'm sick of this xanga thing. i think i'm done with it. i've learned what it does to some people and it's rediculous, and i've seen the things that can be said on these things. some things arn't ment to be viewed by the whole world and by putting shit on these things your just letting the whole world know exactly who you are and other information about yourself. does that make you feel comfortable? i'm done.

COTTON OUT...

Currently Playing Salival (Limited Edition)[CD & DVD] By Tool see related

so i'm in a pickle right now, i don't know whether i want to try and direct a play for the playwritting festival or if i want to try and be in one. i mean, i only want to direct one play, and yet i would love to be in three of the plays, one of which i was really surprised with. it was a pleasent one. but i realize, that the casting for the playwritting festival, is totally bias. if your good friends with the director and writter, you're going to get in it. i mean it's almost like a given. and it happened last year, and it will happen again last year. it's frusterating but it happens, and in the end we have to accept it. and i mean, this might sound really bad but, it's not like i'm all that close with any specific person who will be a director or is the writter. so therefore, kinda screwed rght? hence, the wanting to be a director. but yet longing to be able to play the roles of some kick ass characters. grrrrrr you playwrites for writting such damn good plays, grrrrr to you!

i've been getting this really weird feeling of...people thinking i'm obnoxious. wow this is not the place to vent i just realized. because you get one side saying "o no your not..." blah blah blah and then another side saying "your just trying to get attention and get people to feel sorry for you". and you know what? i'm not, take it or leave it. i'm not looking for sympathy. if i was looking for sympathy from you, i would come directly to you and saying something like this "i feel myserable, make me feel better". but guess what? i'm not. but i will vent either way, because god damnit, i choose to. so anyways, yeah, i feel like i can't change enough to make people happy, i try to change from last year, so i'm not "the asshole" anymore, but then, apparently i'm someone who "craves attention". it gets a bit agrivating. but, someone did once tell me this. "one day, your going to learn that no matter how much it hurts or how badly you don't want to you have to give up." and you know what, i give up. not worth my time anymore.

i'm gonna steal this from joe for today...sorry joe but i think it fits.

GODSPEED

today was a fantastic day. i mean, yeah we had a mass for the dead pope and that was like 2 hours long, but hey i didn't get too bored. apparently i was on the news this afternoon, my mom told me and i was about to shrug it off and take a shower but she was starting to cry...again. i swear this whole pope dying and people being all depressed is just pointless. everyone dies, i don't see anyone mourning over a homeless person! but yeah, my mom started to cry cause she was so proud of her little boy singing at a mass for the pope and how happy she is that one of her kids is involved at the masses at jesuit. she then told me she recorded it and was all giddy and teary, so i just gave her a hug and said "thanks mom, love ya". and then she broke down. it was awkward. she's been like this since the pope died, and seeing as my dad and i both are anything but religious don't really know what to do.  so it's been awkward here at the home front.

but it was a glorious day none the less. no school friday cause it's a "religious holiday" and then i'm not gonna be at school on wed. cause of metro league competition for choir. "great gatzby that's amazing!" (alex ward).

so i realized my birthday is in like...i think 15 days, i don't know the date today so i can't do the math. i'm not looking forward to it. i don't see the point in birthdays. i dunno, i'm just weird like that i guess.

kowabunga

COTTON OUT!

Currently Reading Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory (Easy Play Ser.) By Sam Holland see related

amir, i want you to know i respect your upfrontness (word?) about everything you say. and the things you say make perfect sense...most of the time. i just wanted to let you know.

someone called me a "mad person" today. and you know what? it's true, i am a mad person and i didn't really see how mad i really am until this person told me this. so i thank you, i mean it, thank you.

a part of me wishes that i wasn't a mad person. i wish i didn't get mad at stupid things and that i could get over things easier. i wish a lot of things i realize. and i realize that i'm too critical of myself and others. i'm gonna try and change that, but i'll probably fail and give up and be an angry and critical asshole. eventually someone will tell me that i'm an angry person again and i'll decide that i'm going to try and change again, or i will be arrogant and blow them off because somehow blowing them off will make everything all right. 

you want to know something that angers me slightly and it will be a mystery because you won't know what it is?!!!?! NO? ok i'll tell you anyways! hehe.  so last night i realized i want something that i can't have, and that pisses me off. and please don't think that i'm a spoiled little brat that gets whatever he wants, it's just...i'm used to having this, and i can't get it and it makes go grrrrrr.

it's funny, each time i'm about to write on here i know what i'm gonna say and i'm ready to say it and then when i login and i'm about to talk....i draw a blank. ever happen to ya'll? it's frusterating.     wow so i just realized everything that i've talked about has been something of frusteration. wow i really really hate that. why can't i not be frusterated for more then one day?  o right because i'm human.

on a side note...i want to be as badass as marv in sin city. that would be sweet!

o well, that was a pointless entry, but whatev. *middle finger*

"I took his weapons...Both of them"

~Sin city

Currently Watching Sin City see related

i...had...fun

for the first time since dead man was about to end i can now say that i have had fun. tonight was by far amazing. hell today was a good day (minus el pope dying that was sad). i mean i woke up, ate food, did some manly things for a few hours like chop wood and kill small animals (ok i didn't kill a small animal!) watched NCAA b-ball till 5, got a phone call from fullman saying that we're seeing "sin city" at 6:50, took a shower and went and saw the movie, and then after the movie went bowling with the cast of FOOTLOOSE. therefore, this was the best night i've had since october.

"Sin City" is amazing. gets my vote for best movie of the year. i mean, it was beautiful. the cinematography was just orgasmic! and the acting, wow the acting was spectacular, minus some of the cheesy lines. some of the best lines come from someone who only has about 7 lines and every one of them are amazing. "did you see that?! ha it went right through!".  Willis did amazing, Jessica Alba was just....so damn hot! O and the boobs in that movie! the boobs are reason in and of itself to go and see the movie! it's just brilliant, i mean....i want to like punch something, or drive really really insanly fast, or like shoot something...i dunno, i want to do something manly!

bowling, was amazing, i can't even go into the detail of it to express how much fun i had. although, one person just got obnoxious.

my biggest thing with this show this year, is that i've been wanting to proove (spelling?) to the cast that i'm not the same type of person i was during Music Man, i've changed, i'd like to think i've changed for the better. i mean, i havn't lost my temper once i believe this whole time, i'm trying to have fun with the cast when they have fun you know? hell i don't even know. and i'm not trying to get the whole sympathetic stuff from people, i'm just writting what i'ma feelin.

"a broken heart doesn't truely heal. it's just put back together in a different shape"